Wednesday, February 16, 2011

"Insinuate yourself into the mind of an opponent, in order to understand the better solution." - Cecil R. Singleton

I don’t do drugs. Like many of you, I have experimented in the past. But the plain truth is that I simply don’t see the point. Now that being said, have any of you ever firmly considered the benefit, of globally legalizing drugs? I know, initially this theory seems "barbaric". So indulge me for a second. . .I have been around drugs, virtually my entire life. So consequently, I understand the big picture. But briefly imagine, the addicts, who likely wouldn’t need to rob or steal to supplement their uncontrollable habits. Or the Harlem Drug Lords for instance - whom would in effect, be put out of business. Not to mention that you could essentially neutralize gang war, and help prevent the spread of Aids. I have historically spoken against the widespread distribution of narcotics; primarily because of my father’s inability to say no for 30 years, & the effect they have had on the impressionable men in my community. But like any seasoned Diva already knows, sometimes it’s relevant to think outside the box.
The inconvenient truth is that addicts are going to do drugs, whether they're legal or not. But if our government monitored the distribution, you could likely save a lot of casualties. Not to mention, that incarceration doesn’t a cure drug addiction! Rehabilitation is undisputedly 7 X's more effective to treat, what is medically recognized as a "disease" and most certainly, a disability. People need help. But if simple compassion doesn’t persuade you, consider how much it would help repair our economy! The United States government spent an estimated 15 billion dollars on the war on Drugs, in 2010 alone. Call me a radical, but my theory is that you monitor the effect of drugs, by applying laws similar to the ones associated with alcohol, & prescriptions. I may arguably be subversive in my “rhetoric”, but I thought the goal essentially was to save lives. Or does our country’s well-being, take a back seat to the ego of politicians?  

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Prince of Pornography

 I have always been a firm believer, that experience trumps assumption. Earlier this evening, I was shocked to discover, that a former friend/past lover, had converted to the Gay Porn Industry. . .Initially I  pondered, what specifically was the “healthy” or customary reaction to have? When you acquire that someone who once dominated your thoughts, has effectively taken a turn for the worst, are you disappointed, relieved, or unaffected? Former Drug Addict, recent Male Gigolo, and currently Prince of Pornography. . .Yet the memory of what it felt like to be seduced by him @ 14, is what took precedence in my mind! Not to imply that the intimate details of my private life would portray me much better, but instinctively I began to perceive his behavior in the "prophylactic capacity", of what not to do.

Then with increasing irony, my night took a turn, & I was compelled to revise that theory. I received an email, from a Porn company myself, enclosed with the opportunity to audition for a series of upcoming roles, earning up to $30,000 per film. Such convenience, in a time when the prospect of losing my apartment has become a very real possibility, made this offer all the more tempting. However, as I further considered this window, introspectively, I realized that my life wasn’t much different, from that of my friend. The only distinction, is what I've learned over the years to make me decide differently. Believe me when I say, the choice to walk away was not an easy one! But the truth is, this was never a decision about money. It was about choosing my future. When I prance around my home, listening to Mary J, or singing along with Faith Evans, I love knowing that @ 22, my future is yet to be determined; and full of possibility for greatness.

Perhaps as a cautionary tale, I think it’s imperative to recognize that no one consciously chooses a difficult life. I may not be aware of what specifically led to his tragic decline; but I don’t doubt that he wishes things had turned out differently. Truthfully, the easier response is not one of compassion. Most of us in fact, have a tradition of rebuilding our ego, on the misfortune of someone we don’t like. I believe as people, and especially if you consider yourself a person of spiritual beliefs, should at least attempt for compassion. So I will say in departure, that as I pray for him tonight, although absent any judgment, it will be the last time I think of him, in any capacity.

Be advised, there is no pretty picture. But it's one you need to see, all the same!

HIV negative, as of 1/12/2011. . .If you recall, I did an expose in September about the danger of trusting men, who claim to be "non-reactive", in reference to the virus. As is the new, politically correct term for not having it. . .After discovering that there was an epidemic of the infected, systematically spreading the disease in my community; I became fixated on how many men I'd previously trusted, who might have potentially lied to me. I wish I could say that a simple Google search would suffice, to know everything that you need to about the virus, and those misfortunate 2 have it. But my knowledge was endured the difficult way, & none of it was reviled in any article, displayed online.
My recent path to discovery was only prompted, after several lapse in judgments, and an exposure from someone, who neglected to mention their status. . .After my carless encounter, something intuitively told me, that going home & pretending my mistake didn’t happen, would be the worst recourse of action. So I did what needed to be done. Though exhausted, I marched my ass through the ghetto halls of Lincoln Hospital Hospital, and demanded the HIV cocktail. I wish I could relay, that Lincoln Hospital offered a supportive environment, to make up for what they lack in medical care. . .But the truth is, I had to fight to save my life. I don’t mean to use hyperbole, but I am firmly opposed to painting deadly diseases, as a pretty picture.
Months later, I learned, that through the grace of god, my mistake did not result in me catching HIV. More importantly, was the lesson that I learned, and what you need to know, to protect yourself from here on out. . .

For starters, if exposed to HIV within 48 hours, you can take HIV medication, which will dramatically reduce your chances of catching it, by more than 50 %.

Most people aren’t aware, because the prescription cost several thousands of dollars, and absent insurance, the hospital is STILL OBLIGATED to give it to you.
The medication has several side effects on the body, but can save your life.

1 out of every 4 men in Chelsea, Manhattan, are HIV positive.

46% of black gay men in general, are HIV positive.

Several men, who are HIV positive, will not tell you. . .
Some will TRY to infect you.

For $67.95, you can buy a @Home HIV kit, & test your partners before sleeping with them.

For many young gay men, the virus itself is not the only thing contagious. Some have been seduced, & so have embraced the idea of catching it, by consciously deciding to not use a condom, with partners who have it.

HIV is not a bad person’s disease. HIV is an unlucky person’s disease. The virus does not discriminate based on gender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, or social economic status.

Get tested   Use Protection   Be Smart ~

A tough truth, is better then No truth. . .

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Statisticly, 46% of Black Gay men are HIV Positive. When I consider the evidence, including the percentage of men who lie, are unemployed, have mother issues, or retain extramarital affairs...the prospect of finding a suitable significant other, seems virtually impossible. This afternoon, following what could've been, a brief, yet fulfilling physical encounter; I started reading an urban erotic tale by J Tremble, called Secrets of A Housewife. Barely 3 chapters in, Im already convinced of 2 things. 1st, men & even some women, simply can not be trusted. 2ndly, if I can be so captivated by the diabolical schemes & extramarital affairs of a novel, perhaps I should say "To Hell with men & relationships in general", lolz. From this pt on, its all about books, and maintaining my looks. I m not dating any1, including the supposed "nice guys". I intend to be wealthy, and highly educated b4 I hit 30. Too much fucking around, is not going to ensure my success. Now, whose with me???? lmao

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Beauty of being single. . .Choosing "I", over "We" !

The problem with relationships, is that people exercise so much time on the needs of some1 else. How much concern is given to the individual, and not the "couple"? Earlier this evening, I indulged in questionable behavior, for my own selfish needs. The sex wasn’t anything fantastic, but it did scratch an itch that’s been long overdue. Two hours later, following the extensive post clean-up, my line rang . . . It was an unexpected call, from a guy I'd previously said goodbye to. Somehow, his personal crisis 'almost' took precedence over my sexual re-awakening. Then it occurred to me…as a compassionate person, it’s only natural to experience empathy 4 some1 else. But sometimes the most efficient thing to do is say "I'm sorry. I'll pray 4 you and, goodbye". We're not children; but we're also not middle-aged married folk, either. So why the hell are we settling with "relationships" that require premature sacrifices all together?? The relationship we should be mending is the 1 with our self. Especially since, that one takes a lifetime, to almost get rite.